But until then I need to be happy to be me. Today me was happy wearing a thrifted dress that was relatively unflattering with old lady shoes. Not all of us can be Korean and size 0, Van. In the meantime my veggie meatball rolled out of my bowl and on to the floor and came up hairy. I contemplated rinsing it off even.
This sickness is enduring. Every time I blow my nose my ears plug up, then they randomly pop usually in the midst of conversation and I look at people oddly because they are suddenly yelling. I will be happy when this is over and I promise in the future to eat more vegetables.
I desperately want more free time. I also want to contribute something more than an intense appreciate to the world of music. And I think I am capable. I BOUGHT A COMPUTER TODAY! But had to ship it to California, so it'll be a few weeks. It is used. And black. And Mac. BlackMacBook MacBlackBook BookMacBlack. It is weird to be a consumer again (big time). Today in seminar the girl sitting next to me had a MacBook Air. And was shopping on Ebay. I glared at her free and careless spending angrily.
Some of the music I've been listening to lately is ridiculous. The Jason Shwartzman band (Coconut Records...really bad. Almost in a good way, but not quite.) and anything that Zach Condon has touched. And a song about French Toast. Seattle local bands. But things on heavy repeat. HEAVY, and obsessive and nearly unlistenable later on and on the verge of flashbacks like ecstasy.
I'm trying to figure out if this life of scholarship is appropriate for me. It is antisocial (I am) and seems like avoiding growing up. Do I like researching the shit about something? My memory is probably not good enough for anything beyond a part time job. I need a break. A long break. And to sit down less. That is another thing about school: so much butt on seat nonaction. It hurts me.
We are spending our Sunday night watching The Brave Little Toaster, so in honor we are making a list! Cartoon Crushes. Shared: Trent Lane from Daria Gambit or Wolverine from X-Men Cartoon Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon The fox Robin Hood
Me: Peter Venkmen from Ghostbusters Johnny Quest and Hadji from Adventures of Johnny Quest Bob from ReBoot Derek from Swan Princess Wheeler from Captain Planet Disney choice is Aladdin.
Nora: April O'Neil from Ninja Turtles (I think this was actually her old boyfriends, but still) "Red Hot Riding Hood" She keeps talking about Blanket. I think I like Toaster best, though. Disney choice is Eric from Little Mermaid, because none have beards (she didn't go for Beast)
Today started out like some Golden Age prime time TV show and swiftly crumbled into a dirty mess in my hands.
It snowed enough so that grass, road, and sidewalk were no longer distinguishable. As what I now recognize as a huge error in judgment, we took my car out for a test drive to buy our non-dairy contribution to the Wine & Cheese Soiree we would be attending in the evening. With an average speed of 10 mph, we hit a few parked cars and a curb and nearly miss a lamp post. We make it to the store, get our fig paste, and set out to head home (I am also supposed to be getting to work) and the car does not start. It makes pathetic sputtering sounds, but simply will not go.
The sun has set, the snow is picking up, and Nora and I frantically call everyone we know who may have some idea on how to fix cars. No luck. Finally we get a hold of BCAA (like AAA), who gives us an estimated hour to hour and a half wait time. We spend two hours walking around a small neighborhood, probably convinced everyone in the shopping mart we were trying to shoplift, and walk in and out of every restaurant trying to start warm for two hours. We get mushy microwaved samosas for dinner from a grocery store and a big back of candy to keep us happy (and warm). Finally the tow man comes. He cannot fix it. He gets my keys, says he'll tow the car, and we are free. I have a vague idea of where my car is right now.
The Wine and Cheese was a bust (like ukulele covers of Devendra Banhart and Neutral Milk Hotel) but we stole some wine and cheese on our way out, and have an exclusive after-party which felt pretty good for the parts of me that I could feel.
This house has been known to produce strange dreams. I've never remembered my sleep up until this point, which was highly disruptive for my 13 hours last night. But I do feel much better after this past week where I was working and schooling and attempting to party. No no, a very bad mix.
Kissing dreams are always so awkward. I remember them at the worst times (like when talking to someone) and they make me feel like I know a secret about the person. They also serve to remind me how single I am. I just asked my roommate her thoughts and she said "man, I really did something in my sleep!" haha.
I really like this house (I don't think it's been long enough for the L word). The bugs make me feel like I'm living in the jungle. Our toaster oven whistles. It has the "it's good to be home" vibe. Yet it only takes about 10 minutes on facebook to make me miss CA.
I was bitten by a dog today. I was walking down the street, a busy urban street, and a rottweiler tied to a tree jumped up and bit my arm. Someone women walking the other way with her child said "he's a nipper, eh?" and got close but the dog didn't bite them. Later I saw a lady walk by with the most annoying poodle dog and the rottweiler didn't do anything. It didn't bleed but there are swollen teeth marks now.
This is the only reality show I've ever watched absolutely from start to finish on TV every week. It was a making-the-band thing in Ireland. And I memorized the dance for the video. It was the winter in Norway (2003).
New favorite music video! So many good parts. Like when she is embracing a copy of herself and they harmonize. And she totally goes for a feel. (Wouldn't you if you were Janet Jackson?)
Who I'd like to meet: The spiders I'm too lazy to suck up with a vaccum cleaner are filling that job just fine. Here's to accidental discovery of which are actually poisonous.
The entire ground of the university is covered with 2-5 inches of Slurpee.
Saturday Morning: Aghastness! My bag of groceries in the community fridge was the victim of violent drunk assault last night. Damages include half a block of baked tofu and a bag of Trader Joe chocolates (not available in Canada). Vegetable items and whole grain brain survived with minor injury.
It's snowing in Vancouver, and the roof of the hockey stadium blew up. And by "blew up" I do not mean explode, I mean deflated. It looks pretty strange.
Things are back exactly as they were. I'm working and stealing from the cafeteria without any intention of eating the food I take, so I give it to girls on my hall. I'm not sure if this is an effort to make friends, or to make everyone else fat so I can feel skinnier. Tomorrow I usher for "Sonata for Violin and Turntables" - a modern attempt on Bach with techno. At least it's not any more Vivaldi. Fuck the Four Seasons.
Whoever owned the NES in the lounge has not returned it since break. A void in my life once called Dr. Mario now cannot be filled.
I've collected the Romance Novel and will post it soon. We most definitely peaked at Twin Hills.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, but I'm only on the chocolate for day 14 of my advent calendar! And my mom is on the phone with my aunt in Albequerque right now, which is where my grandmother is. I just heard her say "too bad, you have to keep her for the week!" Haha.
Being home is good. Very very good. I think I'm gaining understanding to my brother's situation.
There is some drunk blond boy outside sniffling into a cell phone in the hall outside my room. It is 10:30 on a Tuesday night. I've yet to figure out why dorm living is not getting old.
I'm actually not being sarcastic. For some reason this scenario is very motivating.
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reflection11's journal
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